things.. and stuff and my Puppy!

been just rolling along…. working, doing mom stuff…

Ivan the day I brought him home.. SIX WEEKS AGO…

and he has at LEAST quadrupled in size!

He is a very smart puppy… I forgot how focused a GSD can be…

As I will never pee alone again. but that’s ok.. since my kids grew up a bit I find I have trouble peeing when alone.. lol


so, even with my Ivan keeping me busy.. I have found myself with too much free time.. time to think.. and today I went to Ruby’s Pantry.. a “Pay $20 and get lots more than $20 worth of stuff” place.. cuz I am still kinda poor.. and I ran into my old bosses friend.. who was so glad to see me.. she promised Vi that she would keep an eye on me and she did not know how to get a hold of me these last 8 months.. we talked.. and then.. I cried… quietly.. I tend to deny stress.. pretend that all the Big things…(my friend dying, losing my cows and job, losing my mother, herniating discs in my back, tearing tendons in my knee, frostbite on my toes, MOVING, job hunting.. just so much) going on are really just little things and that I can handle them all.. which I CAN.. but I rarely give into the stress.. I just keep on going.. seeing my beloved friends friend.. made me miss her even more.. little by little I am acknowledging things and working them out.. and in the mean time.. I am trying to remain positive and happy… and mostly.. it’s working.. having a puppy helps..

Hopefully I will be back here regularly again soon..

blacksheep

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Old and new… again

When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…

And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…

Comparing them to the progress you’ve made… 

When certain movies make you crying mad.. 

When your discontent momentarily overwhelms  your joy… 

When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…

 to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper

 “you could do better, do more”. 

When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict. 

 When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand” 

and they shouldn’t have to anymore. 

 When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back… 

and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again… 
But… I’m still ok.  Life is hard but I’m still strong. .

 

I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like. 

As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”

This…

This brings me peace.

Old lady dog and new pup…

Blacksheep 

Sunday Morning Cow Church  (Monday edition )

How. Does. He. Manage. THIS?!?

Any halter

Almost every day….

This one horse has lost NINE halters in FOUR years!

In other news,

With more time off and living on the farm I’m working I not only have found time to play with my horses, build nice stalls, put in a container garden (a greenhouse and BIG Garden next year) spin yarn and crochet again regularly.. I have had time to learn to draw!  My mother recently passed away and my younger daughter and I acquired a large out of her art supplies…. I decided I wanted to sketch some flowers…. 

And so… I did.

I am not an artist… have zero talent for any drawing or painting. … but I still like to try. . I spent an entire afternoon this weekend just sketching dandelions… lol

Blacksheep

Sunday Morning Cow church

So.. It seems that I have landed.. at least temporarily.. I have milked on this big farm several times a week for 2 and 1/2 years.. since the house I have been renting for almost 4 years has been sold, we have till the end of the school yer to move.. we are looking for housing on or very near this farm.. The owners value me as an employee and are working hard to get me a place and then I will permanently land here.. if not.. I will keep moving along..

the Sunrise here is beautiful, different but beautiful

The parlor is very nice.. modern and efficient. 17 aside New Zealand Swing Style with automatic takeoffs..

It takes 2 of us and We milk anywhere from a low 150 cows to a high of 225.. it’s funny how I don’t always recognize every face.. but I know who is who by Udder and Moo.. lol

The ladies here are top quality.. and I personally like most of them.. although my absolute favorite lady is out on vacation.. I will introduce her in a few weeks when she gets back..

 

I really hope this position can become permanent and full time for me.. There are learning and growing opportunities here.. I will get to milk full time, do some calf care and be an assistant to the herdsman..

but most of all.. Here there will be safety and security for me and my family..

 

Blacksheep

Sunday Morning Cow Church

Bonnie gave me a fabulous late birthday present on Friday morning…
A beautiful 99% white heifer
She is the calf that almost wasn’t. .
When I got to the barn Bonnie had been in labor for a while… I watched her for a while and one little foot and a nose popped out and slid back in… so I scrubbed up and went in after the calf.. one leg was wedged under Bonnie’s pelvis. .. with a little rearranging I got both feet forward and 15 seconds later I got a wide eyed face plopping into my arms.
She is full of spunk and spirit.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you..
~My daughter wants to name her marshmallow. lol.~
My little almost ghost heifer.
Adele

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“good Job Bonnie, she was worth waiting for.”

let it snow let it snow let it snow…

BRING IT ON!!!
8 inches of wet sloppy snow so far today… a possible 12 more to come..
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Farm – Cows got milked this morning… relief milker is staying at the farm to cover this pm and tomorrow am milking.. all calves and heifers are securely tucked away in loafing sheds.. cows are safely in barn with plenty of feed..
Home – horses and cows have bales
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young stock/steers are tucked in shed with plenty of bedding/water/hay.. babies locked in hutch with warm water delivered every 3 hours.. “room service”
bacon cheeseburger and fries on deck for dinner – Check!
Popcorn cued for movie – Check!
nothing left to do but watch it snow watch it snow watch it snow – Check!
and nap..
oh so happily home-bound and snowed in..
blacksheep

PEOPLE are crazy!!

Seriously.. Society and all it participants are fucking NUTS! …just saying

for the first time in 6 months.. I am shutting down and backing the fuck away from those around me.. too much drama.. too much shit.. I spent many many years alone.. isolated on my farm.. and this shit.. these people and their shit.. how they try to blame and drag me and mine into it all.. is just too much for me for a while.. I am going to close and lock the door.. not answer the phone.. gather my dogs and kids close.. go to work and come home.. need people as little as possible.. and let me tell you.. I am a FUCKING MASTER at not needing people.. for long long periods of time..

"told ya somethin was comin.. listen sooner next time"

“told ya somethin was comin.. listen sooner next time”

Time to spend with kids and dogs and horse.. reading books, learning about my job,  taking pics of what moves me.. spinning the yarn I need.. unwinding my brain.. letting people untangle from me, my kids and my life..

Black Sheep