So.. It seems that I have landed.. at least temporarily.. I have milked on this big farm several times a week for 2 and 1/2 years.. since the house I have been renting for almost 4 years has been sold, we have till the end of the school yer to move.. we are looking for housing on or very near this farm.. The owners value me as an employee and are working hard to get me a place and then I will permanently land here.. if not.. I will keep moving along..
the Sunrise here is beautiful, different but beautiful
The parlor is very nice.. modern and efficient. 17 aside New Zealand Swing Style with automatic takeoffs..
It takes 2 of us and We milk anywhere from a low 150 cows to a high of 225.. it’s funny how I don’t always recognize every face.. but I know who is who by Udder and Moo.. lol
The ladies here are top quality.. and I personally like most of them.. although my absolute favorite lady is out on vacation.. I will introduce her in a few weeks when she gets back..
I really hope this position can become permanent and full time for me.. There are learning and growing opportunities here.. I will get to milk full time, do some calf care and be an assistant to the herdsman..
but most of all.. Here there will be safety and security for me and my family..
Bonnie gave me a fabulous late birthday present on Friday morning…
A beautiful 99% white heifer
She is the calf that almost wasn’t. .
When I got to the barn Bonnie had been in labor for a while… I watched her for a while and one little foot and a nose popped out and slid back in… so I scrubbed up and went in after the calf.. one leg was wedged under Bonnie’s pelvis. .. with a little rearranging I got both feet forward and 15 seconds later I got a wide eyed face plopping into my arms.
She is full of spunk and spirit.
It is my pleasure to introduce to you..
~My daughter wants to name her marshmallow. lol.~
My little almost ghost heifer.. Adele
8 inches of wet sloppy snow so far today… a possible 12 more to come..
Farm – Cows got milked this morning… relief milker is staying at the farm to cover this pm and tomorrow am milking.. all calves and heifers are securely tucked away in loafing sheds.. cows are safely in barn with plenty of feed..
Home – horses and cows have bales
young stock/steers are tucked in shed with plenty of bedding/water/hay.. babies locked in hutch with warm water delivered every 3 hours.. “room service”
bacon cheeseburger and fries on deck for dinner – Check!
Popcorn cued for movie – Check!
nothing left to do but watch it snow watch it snow watch it snow – Check!
Seriously.. Society and all it participants are fucking NUTS! …just saying
for the first time in 6 months.. I am shutting down and backing the fuck away from those around me.. too much drama.. too much shit.. I spent many many years alone.. isolated on my farm.. and this shit.. these people and their shit.. how they try to blame and drag me and mine into it all.. is just too much for me for a while.. I am going to close and lock the door.. not answer the phone.. gather my dogs and kids close.. go to work and come home.. need people as little as possible.. and let me tell you.. I am a FUCKING MASTER at not needing people.. for long long periods of time..
“told ya somethin was comin.. listen sooner next time”
Time to spend with kids and dogs and horse.. reading books, learning about my job, taking pics of what moves me.. spinning the yarn I need.. unwinding my brain.. letting people untangle from me, my kids and my life..
I wrote this in September of last year.. Fall always brings for me a.. “missing him” feeling.. and even tho life for me is so much better here.. sometimes I just find myself.. missing that horse..
Such a long time since the smell of hay has been mixed with the sound of tears.
The why really does not matter tonight.. the why of the tears that is.. The why of the time means more.. but even that matter only to us..
Arms crossed and head bowed with sobs and tears.. One mare stands strong touching an arm and then the other.. pushing slightly in to inspect a cheek.. not a fidget nor a worry.. Not a wrinkle near her eye.. not a purse of her lip.. She knows the how.. somehow.. she knows.
Oh how we both wish the other was with us.. He knew how to comfort us both.. He knew our strength and out weaknesses.. and he knew when a nuzzle was most appropriate. and when it was time to be done. He held us up and let us stand on our own.
Tonight we almost smelled him in our barn.. possibly a breeze he had traveled through once..
and She tells me.. It will all be ok.. go ahead and cry.. You are safe and I am you and yours and you are me and mine.. we have loved each others babies.. and laughed and mourned together and too far apart..
You need to be softer.. she whispers.. he always brought that for both of us..
Together we can cry again and learn to laugh.. once you are done crying.. no matter that you did not come here to cry for him.. you came here to cry… and mares take care of each other.
Not many pictures I have even Tried to take have been worth a crap… I am going to chalk it up to how I have been feeling.. Lost and alone.. sure for just a few minutes at a time.. but the feeling has been just under the surface since I learned my ex is letting the house go back to the bank.. Gone is the small bit of security I had.. gone and well sure, I’ll be fine.. I’ll manage, do something different than I planned.. all that crap.. but it has colored my perspective a bit for the moment..
looking for a new perspective.. hoping for something to shine for me.