When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…
And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…
Comparing them to the progress you’ve made…
When certain movies make you crying mad..
When your discontent momentarily overwhelms your joy…
When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…
to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper
“you could do better, do more”.
When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict.
When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand”
and they shouldn’t have to anymore.
When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back…
and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again…
But… I’m still ok. Life is hard but I’m still strong. .
I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like.
As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”
This brings me peace.
As life keeps on rolling along like it always will.. my daughter’s and I got to take some time this weekend to spend at my dads. My dad grew up on a dairy farm and milked cows for his family and several neighbors till his early 20’s when he enlisted in the Navy. My dad loves hearing about my job and I love hearing stories of his life growing up on a dairy farm…. plowing with horses and milking by hand.. his family farm rarely had more than 14 (did I mention .. they milked By Hand!) but his neighbor milked up to 40 (By Hand). Stories of how he ONCE tried riding the bull and he always shows me the scar on his leg from the “dismount”. And how he never told his mother how bad it really was.. How on the coldest days of Michigan winters he and his brothers would burrow in the fresh straw with the pigs to warm up… good memories of a life that was often brutally hard but taught him the value of hard work, honesty, integrity and respect.
Here is my father… explaining to my younger daughter why he eats Oatmeal the way he does.. with a separate bowl of milk.. He said they would have a large bowl of oatmeal in the middle of the table and each had their own bowl of milk. .. it saved on dishes and he never liked eating oatmeal “soup”.. a separate bowl of milk let everyone have each bite just the way they liked it..
So… my father and my daughter ate oatmeal together Saturday morning each with their own bowl of milk… making a memory that will last each of them a lifetime… moments in life that no amount of money buys…
The world is so full of hate and ugliness lately…
And for the grand finally. .
My sincere hope is that your day is Filled with love and light..
Almost every day….
This one horse has lost NINE halters in FOUR years!
In other news,
With more time off and living on the farm I’m working I not only have found time to play with my horses, build nice stalls, put in a container garden (a greenhouse and BIG Garden next year) spin yarn and crochet again regularly.. I have had time to learn to draw! My mother recently passed away and my younger daughter and I acquired a large out of her art supplies…. I decided I wanted to sketch some flowers….