PEOPLE are crazy!!

Seriously.. Society and all it participants are fucking NUTS! …just saying

for the first time in 6 months.. I am shutting down and backing the fuck away from those around me.. too much drama.. too much shit.. I spent many many years alone.. isolated on my farm.. and this shit.. these people and their shit.. how they try to blame and drag me and mine into it all.. is just too much for me for a while.. I am going to close and lock the door.. not answer the phone.. gather my dogs and kids close.. go to work and come home.. need people as little as possible.. and let me tell you.. I am a FUCKING MASTER at not needing people.. for long long periods of time..

"told ya somethin was comin.. listen sooner next time"

“told ya somethin was comin.. listen sooner next time”

Time to spend with kids and dogs and horse.. reading books, learning about my job,  taking pics of what moves me.. spinning the yarn I need.. unwinding my brain.. letting people untangle from me, my kids and my life..

Black Sheep

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mares take care of each other

I wrote this in September of last year.. Fall always brings for me a.. “missing him” feeling.. and even tho life for me is so much better here.. sometimes I just find myself.. missing that horse..

Such a long time since the smell of hay has been mixed with the sound of tears.

The why really does not matter tonight.. the why of the tears that is.. The why of the time means more.. but even that matter only to us..

Arms crossed and head bowed with sobs and tears.. One mare stands strong touching an arm and then the other.. pushing slightly in to inspect a cheek.. not a fidget nor a worry.. Not a wrinkle near her eye.. not a purse of her lip.. She knows the how.. somehow.. she knows.

Oh how we both wish the other was with us.. He knew how to comfort us both.. He knew our strength and out weaknesses.. and he knew when a nuzzle was most appropriate.  and when it was time to be done.  He held us up and let us stand on our own.

Tonight we almost smelled him in our barn.. possibly a breeze he had traveled through once..

and She tells me.. It will all be ok.. go ahead and cry.. You are safe and I am you and yours and you are me and mine..  we have loved each others babies.. and laughed and mourned together and too far apart..

You need to be softer.. she whispers.. he always brought that for both of us..

Together we can  cry again and learn to laugh.. once you are done crying.. no matter that you did not come here to cry for him.. you came here to cry… and mares take care of each other.

Black Sheep

Paris

a quiet day..

The cows almost milked themselves this morning… Kids were all in school..

so I.. outstanding person that I am..

took a nap…

in the pasture.. with my horse..

then took pictures

“sleeping.. in my food.. silly woman”

 

“time to check ur feet”

“roll over.. you lay over there.. i’ma gonna eat right where you were..”

“kisses before you go”

 

“We… are looking good!”

if only she’d quit making “donkey ears”.. I’d have a lot more pictures..

These I took with my ipod.. next to check the ones from my camera.. see if I got anything good with it..

Black Sheep.. and Paris

 

…. always better

People will ALWAYS hurt you .. one way or another.. some time or another.. even when they don’t mean to or want to..

SHE will NEVER hurt me..

ONLY by leaving me will she hurt me..
She won’t judge me for what I cannot help I am or have..
She walks by my side and carries me when I need it..
and not just on her back..
Her spirit is strong and gives me wings.
Makes me pay attention when I need that.
Lets me get away with nothing.. nor I her.
She teaches me who I am and helps me learn what
I can do and be..
even when I don’t want to know..

Here’s hoping TODAY.. is a better day.

oh yeah.. she reminds me.. “take better care of yourself Damn it.. No one else ever has.. and no one is going to.. so you better!”

Black Sheep

Paris

“Simply Paris..” I never need to go.. I have my own right here in Northern MN

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Photo’s taken for me by a friend of mine.

They are imperfect.. but beautiful.. different.. not the usual..

and he thinks he’s not good yet.. THEN tells me about all the pics he deleted cuz he was not pleased with them.. “Arggggggg!!”

Sometimes a good picture is not a perfect one.. that beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing.. When he comes back I am going to hijack his laptop and wrangle permission to share some of his work..

I think even without all the technical knowledge he is seeking he is as good as any photographer… I have such plans for the next time he is here with his camera!!

Time for me to go to work..

You’ll NEVER guess what I do every single morning.. LOL.. NEVER!!

maybe I’ll post a pic of me at work later..

Black Sheep..