When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…
And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…
Comparing them to the progress you’ve made…
When certain movies make you crying mad..
When your discontent momentarily overwhelms your joy…
When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…
to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper
“you could do better, do more”.
When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict.
When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand”
and they shouldn’t have to anymore.
When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back…
and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again…
But… I’m still ok. Life is hard but I’m still strong. .
I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like.
As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”
This brings me peace.
As life keeps on rolling along like it always will.. my daughter’s and I got to take some time this weekend to spend at my dads. My dad grew up on a dairy farm and milked cows for his family and several neighbors till his early 20’s when he enlisted in the Navy. My dad loves hearing about my job and I love hearing stories of his life growing up on a dairy farm…. plowing with horses and milking by hand.. his family farm rarely had more than 14 (did I mention .. they milked By Hand!) but his neighbor milked up to 40 (By Hand). Stories of how he ONCE tried riding the bull and he always shows me the scar on his leg from the “dismount”. And how he never told his mother how bad it really was.. How on the coldest days of Michigan winters he and his brothers would burrow in the fresh straw with the pigs to warm up… good memories of a life that was often brutally hard but taught him the value of hard work, honesty, integrity and respect.
Here is my father… explaining to my younger daughter why he eats Oatmeal the way he does.. with a separate bowl of milk.. He said they would have a large bowl of oatmeal in the middle of the table and each had their own bowl of milk. .. it saved on dishes and he never liked eating oatmeal “soup”.. a separate bowl of milk let everyone have each bite just the way they liked it..
So… my father and my daughter ate oatmeal together Saturday morning each with their own bowl of milk… making a memory that will last each of them a lifetime… moments in life that no amount of money buys…
I might be in sooooo much trouble lol
This Cow, 168 acts like a regular cow..
Till I am in the pit in the Milking Parlor..
If I leave the butt gate open she will wander in..
and check me out…
There have been big changes in my life in the past few months.. and also big changes in my dad’s life.. and while I hate to see the end of a marriage.. god knows I hung on to my own dead one for long enough.. my dad is finally leaving a very unhappy marriage and even tho it is only in the beginning stages.. I have gotten to talk to him more in the last few weeks than I have in a few years.. His wife isolated him from all of us.. I am very glad to be getting my dad back in my life.. He always has a lot of good advice, funny stories and Time.. just time to listen to me.. I really missed that.. I can’t wait to see more of dad.. and see him happy again.
Yesterday we talked about cows.. He grew up on a farm and as a boy he could milk.. Buy Hand.. 15 cows in under an hour.. LOL.. it takes me about that long to milk the 18 I am milking.. My boss could milk 50 in an hour.. with the machines of course.. but Still!!
I am pleased to say I am getting better at my job.. We have gone from milking 11 when I started to 18 and I am learning to recognize problems before they effect our milk quality.. and that has brought our somatic cell count way way down to a good number.. and if things keep getting better.. soon the milk buyer will be giving bonuses again to my boss for quality..
I am still sick.. but came home from work yesterday and went to bed for several hours.. Sleep was desperately needed.. Then I listened to the weather reports.. we were supposed to be getting SNOW!! so off to get fuel for the furnace I went.. OMG!! it was so nice to wake up to a warm house this morning.. I mean we are tough people here.. my kids and I.. but it was getting a little miserable.. and, btw, no snow here as of this morning.. I think the high winds blew it north of us..
so.. off to work I go..
Comes to work with me every day now.. watches when I am setting up the Milking Parlor.. says “watchin to make sure you don’t fall mama”
and helps with things that are fun, cute, cuddly and LOVE milk.
I am grateful I CAN take my daughter to work with me.. that she is welcome, helpful and with me.. and says to me each day .. so far.. “I like milking cows mama..” and that’s good.. cuz so do I.. and “I like having you with me”