strength and moments of weakness

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

“Rascal Flatts”

I spent years hearing this song.. sometimes crying.. and thinking “One day.. I will find enough strength to move on..  or.. have had enough weak moments.. or be ready to lose everything”

I knew for many years I would leave my husband.. he was never the friend I wanted or needed to have any kind of life.  he was never a mate or a husband no matter how good a wife I tried to be.

I am a strong woman, this song no longer makes me cry… I have never been so at peace with myself…  Despite the years that passed me by.. I am glad things happened the way they did and in the time they did.. I would not be who I am if not for all that brought me to this day.. this moment.  and THIS moment is a good one..

Black Sheep

My View of Paris

I tried the other morning to capture a shot of Paris.. with the ground fog hanging above her as the sun came up.. and every shot I took with my beloved ipod turned out like crap..

I offhandedly took a few shots with my cheap Kodak easyshare.. and was pleasantly surprised that they were not bad.. I used to take a lot of pictures with this camera and while I know I will never get the results I am looking for with any piece of equipment I currently have.. I still sent a few to my photographer friend for an opinion and agree..

This is a nice shot of My Paris in the Morning..

My View of Paris

Black Sheep

My Girl

Just one of my reasons for getting up each day.. smiling and carrying on..

my hair, my eyes, my smile, my voice. my strength. and omg.. my sense of humor.. through hell and back this child and I have come and gone… from her tenuous beginnings to her kisses last night..

Truly.. she is

“My Girl”

Black Sheep

breathe…..

SO much has gone right for me lately that I have been fairly easily been able to push past the things that have not..

my paycheck from the farm bounced..

I stumbled on this one.

I really love my job… not enough to do it for nothing..

my boss swears to make it right ASAP.. and truth be told.. they NEED me!

I am going to stay for a while and see what happens.

WORST case scenario..

I’ll need to find a new job and I can receive what is already owed me in hay for the winter..

I really really want this job to work out..

“…..Deep Breath…..”

Black sheep

 

…. moments of solitude

“Awwwww..” Cuddly Cow

Super Cute, Smells like milk, soft and cuddly..

Likes to be in my lap.. (and I am hoping she gets over that.. lol)

“awwwwwww”

what a morning it was at work.. lol.. it it could go mildly wrong. .it did.. a half a dozen small things went haywire.. but that heifer stood very nice for milking.. and the baby cuddled and drank her bottle nicely..

I kept having to step back.. apologize to the cows cuz i’m stupid and ..and remember to “just breathe..”

Black Sheep

Coming or Going..

The sunrise over my horse pasture this morning was incredibly beautiful.. my mare in the foreground… ground fog in the back.. but I could not capture it and it each pic looked more like crap than the last.

Sunset last night on the other hand was WAY more cooperative..

….coming or going
no matter at all

“Life is an echo; what you send out comes back.” — Chinese Proverb

 

Black Sheep

CAKE!!

I LOVE to cook and bake..

But it has been months since I have felt like doing either..

and so I bring you CAKE..

rhubarb cake to be exact.. and it is really more rhubarb than cake. .and that is just right.

Brand New #1

“Welcome to the world”

Brand Spankin New.. Teeny Tiny.. itty bitty.. darling..

Baby Ninja cow..

(please pardon the bad quality pics.. The iphone camera SUCKS .. tomorrow I will take my ipod and get some super cute baby pics to make up for it.. )

Brand New baby Ninja cow

I LOVE that I can look into her dark little eyes and know where she will spend her life.. on green pastures.. having babies.. living a good Ninja cow life..

I start bottle feeding her tomorrow morning and get to make friends with her.. without an ounce of heavy in my heart or soul for her future.

Her young mama went into my milking line up this morning.. only her second time in the parlor. and what an interesting experience for both of us for several reasons.

The old farmer.. who is a cranky nasty mean old man.. never a kind word for anyone.. came to help me get the heifer into the parlor and told me to stand back and watch and he became a gentle calm farmer.. who has a way with his cows.. knew what this heifer needed to relax and took the time to talk to me.. even tho he does not like me.. and when it became necessary.. stepped back and let ME.. help HIM hook her up to the milker..

I learned a lot this morning.. I always enjoy my job.. today was .. more..

Life the past few years has.. been.. more than hard.. My life the past few years has been down right Brutal.. but I cowgirl’d up and soldiered on.. and all that shit.. I am grateful for what I have found here and I plan to make the most of it.. not question a second of it.. 

Black Sheep.

 

Hide ~n~ Seek

My photographer friend sends me photos now and again..

Says they are Mine to do with as I please..”Thank You”

Most I keep for myself..

This one begged to be shared..

I got it just as I was starting work yesterday and it was a tough tough day.. MS making it hard to just exists.. but hearing my phone chime.. standing in the milking parlor.. I stopped what I was doing and chanced to take a look.. and my eye caught it immediately..

and it just made my day..
That he thought of me.. and that I saw.. what I saw.. do you?

Hide ~n~ Seek

Black sheep