Sunday Morning Cow Church

… a year

…..and a day

So much has changed… and so much has stayed the same.. I miss my boss, my friend and the cows… they were each very special and each left a permanent mark on who I am.. I promise to never forget what they taught me…

Yesterday I waited till everyone was gone from the barn and I sat with this brand new baby and I cried… I cried about everything I lost and about all the changes the past year brought… I cried because. . Like the cows… I thrive on consistency. ..

But… I think I’m gonna make it. .. even if things change again in the future… that is the lesson I’m trying to learn.. that no matter what.. I.. we are going to be ok..

I’m 2 thirds finished with the prayer shawl I’m crocheting to donate in memory of my late friend…

It’s called Violet in blues.. I hope that whoever ends up with it truly feels the love I put into each stitch…

And here is one of my favorite cows ..

#119. After every milking she stands at the front of the parlor.. puts her head in the side of the trimming stanchion.. and listens to the radio while she waits for her friend.. simple little things that I’d do well to remember. .



Ivan the Formidable

Ivan IV Vasilyevich commonly known as Ivan the Terrible or Ivan the Fearsome…a better translation into modern English would be Ivan the Formidable), was the Grand Prince of Moscow from 1533 to 1547, then “Tsar of All the Russias” until his death

This boy has captured me heart and soul.. He truly is the Grand Prince of our family…   A fearsome Formidable friend and companion… Loyal and protective. Sweet with our old lady dogs, gently with the cats.. always alert.. that green Chuckit ball is doomed.. lol

He is Ivan.

And he is perfect.


Old and new… again

When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…

And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…

Comparing them to the progress you’ve made… 

When certain movies make you crying mad.. 

When your discontent momentarily overwhelms  your joy… 

When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…

 to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper

 “you could do better, do more”. 

When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict. 

 When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand” 

and they shouldn’t have to anymore. 

 When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back… 

and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again… 
But… I’m still ok.  Life is hard but I’m still strong. .


I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like. 

As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”


This brings me peace.

Old lady dog and new pup…


Sunday Morning Cow Church 

The world is so full of hate and ugliness lately…

Here’s a picture of this mornings beautiful sunrise.

A darling red calf.. looking for milk handouts… even tho she is off the stuff.. it still calls her soul.

And for the grand finally. .

My dogs adorable butts.. one fluffy and one wiggley 

My sincere hope is that your day is Filled with love and light..


Sunday morning Cow Church


just like that

it was over

16707252_1440558412635461_3437370997804196762_oYesterday at 11:00 I milked the girls for the last time. Then I helped load them up for their trip to a dairy cow auction in southern MN

It was unequivocally one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.. without tears in my eyes for the girls sake..

and then after a unbelievably hard day this happened

After a day (a week really) full of nothing but stress and uncertainty and so . much. anger. directed at me.. the simple kind words of a virtual stranger made the end of this day.. survivable.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you, I know how hard it must be.  Stay strong you never know what might happen. Be kind to yourself you did a great job and I am sure she would be proud of you”  -stranger

and then this stranger sent someone to the auction and maybe.. possibly buy some of the girls… I may never know but at least there is a glimmer of hope for something good for the girls.

Then there was this morning.. for the first day in 4 1/2 years. no work , no cows to milk and my phone died and my alarm did not go off.. so we got up late..


Im now living in a strange world.. where you can drive your kids to school and go to the grocery store all before 9 am.
Just trying to fit in.
Oh…. and no cow and silage smell trailing me everywhere.

not sure what comes next…

I have a part time job that offered me a few more shifts per week but I need full time to support my family..

and then there was


my landlord sold the house I have been renting.. I have hopefully till my daughters are out of school in June to move..

Perhaps I will divest myself of Everything that won’t fit into a truck and take the girls off on an adventure.. perhaps..

I hope to come back to Sunday Morning Cow Church.. maybe from my part time cow job we can connect again.. or somewhere else..


Sunday Morning Cow Church

Sunday morning cow church
Well… where is my birthday baby!?
My Bonnie girl says “when I’m done baking it and not a moment sooner”
…ok, I guess I’ll wait.

15439830_1370682652956371_3734774522369269592_nUdder Devotion…  blacksheep the dairy farmer