When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…
And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…
Comparing them to the progress you’ve made…
When certain movies make you crying mad..
When your discontent momentarily overwhelms your joy…
When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…
to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper
“you could do better, do more”.
When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict.
When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand”
and they shouldn’t have to anymore.
When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back…
and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again…
But… I’m still ok. Life is hard but I’m still strong. .
I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like.
As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”
This brings me peace.
As life keeps on rolling along like it always will.. my daughter’s and I got to take some time this weekend to spend at my dads. My dad grew up on a dairy farm and milked cows for his family and several neighbors till his early 20’s when he enlisted in the Navy. My dad loves hearing about my job and I love hearing stories of his life growing up on a dairy farm…. plowing with horses and milking by hand.. his family farm rarely had more than 14 (did I mention .. they milked By Hand!) but his neighbor milked up to 40 (By Hand). Stories of how he ONCE tried riding the bull and he always shows me the scar on his leg from the “dismount”. And how he never told his mother how bad it really was.. How on the coldest days of Michigan winters he and his brothers would burrow in the fresh straw with the pigs to warm up… good memories of a life that was often brutally hard but taught him the value of hard work, honesty, integrity and respect.
Here is my father… explaining to my younger daughter why he eats Oatmeal the way he does.. with a separate bowl of milk.. He said they would have a large bowl of oatmeal in the middle of the table and each had their own bowl of milk. .. it saved on dishes and he never liked eating oatmeal “soup”.. a separate bowl of milk let everyone have each bite just the way they liked it..
So… my father and my daughter ate oatmeal together Saturday morning each with their own bowl of milk… making a memory that will last each of them a lifetime… moments in life that no amount of money buys…
The world is so full of hate and ugliness lately…
And for the grand finally. .
My sincere hope is that your day is Filled with love and light..
Almost every day….
This one horse has lost NINE halters in FOUR years!
In other news,
With more time off and living on the farm I’m working I not only have found time to play with my horses, build nice stalls, put in a container garden (a greenhouse and BIG Garden next year) spin yarn and crochet again regularly.. I have had time to learn to draw! My mother recently passed away and my younger daughter and I acquired a large out of her art supplies…. I decided I wanted to sketch some flowers….
Home, I’m home. No place has felt like home for so long I barely recognized the feeling. But here I am… surrounded on all sides by farm and field and dairy cattle. A small 5 acre spot with … Continue reading
Thursday storms rolled through our area and took out the power for over 45000 people in northern MN..
The power was out at the farm..
You can’t milk cows without power..
You can’t cool milk without power…
You can’t fill water tanks without power..
You can’t run the silo without power…
so.. I waited for a while, then I called the power company and realized it could be a few days.. so I began the search for a generator powerful enough to run the milk machines.. and there were none available north of the Twin Cities and for under $600 a DAY plus delivery.. but at the end of a long 12 hour search I found a friend who had a small portable milk machine that would run of my small generator… and so I milked 19 cows.. one at a time.. I averaged 17 minutes a cow (5 and 1/2 hours) and did not get home the first night till 2 am.. and went back at it 7 hours later and managed to average 13 minutes per cow… and again that evening and again the next morning.. finally Saturday night in the middle of milking the power came back on and my relief milker and I jumped for JOY.. milked quick and got everything else caught up.. another night that did not end till 2 am..
and all the milk we milked.. got dumped down the drain.. now way to cool it.. so loss upon loss upon loss..
Today I am praying for another miracle.
we went through this exact same thing 2 years ago..
I hope to be able to save this dairy and its cows.. again..
feed them heavy and milk on time..
feed them heavy and milk on time…
feed them heavy and milk on time…
I am as scared this time as I was the last that I will not be able to bring them back up to their individual peak production.. and we walk a razor thin edge on a good day.. my boss has faith in me.. I pray she is right… I don’t want to let her or the girls down..
Our noses are against the wall and once again..
we gotta work even harder..
but we would not trade this life for any other
Live has been busy.. and hard.. and wonderful all at the same time.. what’s been missing?? Blogging of course.. Pictures!! I take lots of pictures and most of them are cows.. or farm related and my need to share has become overwhelming..
Sunday Morning Cow Church has been a thing on my facebook page for a while and I feel good about the commitment but not too pressured.. adding to my blog is a good step to filling my needs again..
Check out the new page.. Sunday Morning Cow Church
10 long months I have been off line
So much has been going on.
I milk the cows 7 days a week every morning and 4 to 7 evenings a week and taking on new duties.. the herd is healthy and growing.. keeping me busy.
kids are doing well.
Dogs are happy with our new place.
and I have a boyfriend!
a super kick ass awesome man who encourages me, supports me in my job and creativity, thinks of my needs and health. and most of all.. makes me laugh.
I could not be happier.