Sunday morning cow church
Well… where is my birthday baby!?
My Bonnie girl says “when I’m done baking it and not a moment sooner”
…ok, I guess I’ll wait.
A few weeks ago the oldest cow in the herd.. 14 years old!! did the baby dance and produced a beautiful heifer calf.. her final calf.. we knew it was time.. last year she stepped on her teats several times… and she took a very long time to get pregnant..
This morning she was calmly and gently put in the shippers trailer and she is making her final ride..
I did not need to pray to know I was making the right decision.. but it seems the universe was ok with things.
Seriously.. Society and all it participants are fucking NUTS! …just saying
for the first time in 6 months.. I am shutting down and backing the fuck away from those around me.. too much drama.. too much shit.. I spent many many years alone.. isolated on my farm.. and this shit.. these people and their shit.. how they try to blame and drag me and mine into it all.. is just too much for me for a while.. I am going to close and lock the door.. not answer the phone.. gather my dogs and kids close.. go to work and come home.. need people as little as possible.. and let me tell you.. I am a FUCKING MASTER at not needing people.. for long long periods of time..
Time to spend with kids and dogs and horse.. reading books, learning about my job, taking pics of what moves me.. spinning the yarn I need.. unwinding my brain.. letting people untangle from me, my kids and my life..
I have been spending it.. which is ok.. since I have nothing else to spend.. lol
Spending it with my kids, working, getting my feelings hurt.. recovering.. worrying that if I hurt less.. it might mean I miss something.. I just hope it means I am getting smarter.
it has been a while since a photo opportunity has presented it self to me.. and it’s not like I have not been looking.. waiting.. hoping..
Taken with tried and true trusty Ipod.. I am still searching for my camera cord..
so back I go.. to parent, work, and learn.. to hope and dream.. to wait
We all do..
Sometimes it is a phone call, a gimps of someone or something, a text, or even a photo..
We all look back.. the trick is to adjust your focus so the present is clear…. and so is the past.
Funny sometimes how my brain works.. This post and picture have nothing what so ever to do with leaving my husband.. it looks that way.. it reads that way.. but it is not.
Taken in July of this year..
just a few weeks before I moved…
The storm that was passing overhead reminded me that any storms I was facing at that moment.. or storms to come.. would eventually pass.. and mostly be forgotten..
And.. so far.. I have weathered the passing storms well..