Life.. in snapshots

Everything has a story

When I got divorced and subsequently moved 4 times in the past 6 years.. space became precious.. things became superfluous.. with a few exceptions..

The Bourbon Decanter on the right was my grandmothers.. I wish I had spent more time with her.. It has been preciously packed and moved and resides in my kitchen window for now.. It has been with me for 28 years and I hope one of my children will treasure it when I am gone..

The Bowl in the center was my mothers.. an unimportant forgotten “thing” left behind after her estate sale.. It is Porcelain and Lead.. an Oriental design and holds a beautiful Green Glass bottle stopper for a bottle I have never seen..

The Wire Chicken basket on the left was a gift from my youngest daughter .. she found it at an Antique shop and we plan to start using it to collect our eggs this spring..  filling it with memories that only a Wire Chicken Basket can hold..

The red and white Crochet item in the Chicken Basket was my mothers.. it moves from place to place in my life and home… and will likely return to residing on a shelf under a glass bowl of sort sort soon.. I don’t want it to get too sun faded..

The gray building out my window is a Sauna we are going to do some minor fixing to this spring and it will become the focal point of my back yard.. surrounded by a simple patio and flower and vegetable planters.. Tiki torches and Adirondack chairs on the left and in front and horse pasture to the right.. and adorned with simple paintings my younger daughter and I did last fall.. and become an interesting View even in the winter..

Life in snapshots..

Blacksheep

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Sunday Morning Cow Church

So… I get up, get ready for work, drive this am cuz I’m not feeling the best and dread the 6 minute walk in -20… get initial setup done and get half way through getting the girls upandatem and another milker shows up.. turns out this in not my Sunday morning to milk!! I leave him and my partner to finish getting the girls going… thinking I’m just gonna leave and go home to bed… walking through the parlor and milk house I figure I’d get everything all set up and ready for them to milk… the other milker (not my partner.. the other guy ) gives me “a look” and walks over to talk to my partner. . lol. In the past a few times I’ve done thing like that and he has mentioned to my partner. . “She knows she’s not getting paid for this.. right?” And I’m sure he’s sayin it again.. and I just can’t help but laugh a little… this boy does not know me very well… First.. it’s none of his business what I get paid for and what I don’t. . And Second.. this is the kind of thing grown up mature people do sometimes. . We do little things for nothing because it makes someone else’s job or day a little easier… “Grow up you douchey little brat that no one likes to work with.. grow up”

So… here I am home..

Smooshey and tigger say…. “were going back to bed aren’t we… come on mom.. it’s soooo cozy here with us”

Look at that floofy tail! Look. At. It.

And ninja kitty .. she wants breakfast early.. lol

“Feed. Me. Now.. “

“Yes Sweet smiley kitty… yes”

It’s a no brainer for me today in this struggle to be at peace with not working all day every day… early nom noms for Ninja Kitty and a then to bed for snuggles with my floofy and stinky beasts..

Chompy bitey monster puppy is still asleep in his crate… lol.

Comfy Ivan

Happy Sunday everyone.

Blacksheep

Sunday Morning Cow Church

… a year

…..and a day

So much has changed… and so much has stayed the same.. I miss my boss, my friend and the cows… they were each very special and each left a permanent mark on who I am.. I promise to never forget what they taught me…

Yesterday I waited till everyone was gone from the barn and I sat with this brand new baby and I cried… I cried about everything I lost and about all the changes the past year brought… I cried because. . Like the cows… I thrive on consistency. ..

But… I think I’m gonna make it. .. even if things change again in the future… that is the lesson I’m trying to learn.. that no matter what.. I.. we are going to be ok..

I’m 2 thirds finished with the prayer shawl I’m crocheting to donate in memory of my late friend…

It’s called Violet in blues.. I hope that whoever ends up with it truly feels the love I put into each stitch…

And here is one of my favorite cows ..

#119. After every milking she stands at the front of the parlor.. puts her head in the side of the trimming stanchion.. and listens to the radio while she waits for her friend.. simple little things that I’d do well to remember. .

Blacksheep

Ivan the Formidable

Ivan IV Vasilyevich commonly known as Ivan the Terrible or Ivan the Fearsome…a better translation into modern English would be Ivan the Formidable), was the Grand Prince of Moscow from 1533 to 1547, then “Tsar of All the Russias” until his death

This boy has captured me heart and soul.. He truly is the Grand Prince of our family…   A fearsome Formidable friend and companion… Loyal and protective. Sweet with our old lady dogs, gently with the cats.. always alert.. that green Chuckit ball is doomed.. lol

He is Ivan.

And he is perfect.

Blacksheep

All or nothing

I am learning…

That in my life, this life.

There are not.. cannot be.. will be no half measures.

It is all or nothing in everything I do.

What this means for my future is not entirely clear but I am beginning to have ideas.

New ideas, scary ideas, fabulously wonderfully different ideas that can and will shape my future.

One moment, one thing, one idea at a time.

…blacksheep

things.. and stuff and my Puppy!

been just rolling along…. working, doing mom stuff…

Ivan the day I brought him home.. SIX WEEKS AGO…

and he has at LEAST quadrupled in size!

He is a very smart puppy… I forgot how focused a GSD can be…

As I will never pee alone again. but that’s ok.. since my kids grew up a bit I find I have trouble peeing when alone.. lol


so, even with my Ivan keeping me busy.. I have found myself with too much free time.. time to think.. and today I went to Ruby’s Pantry.. a “Pay $20 and get lots more than $20 worth of stuff” place.. cuz I am still kinda poor.. and I ran into my old bosses friend.. who was so glad to see me.. she promised Vi that she would keep an eye on me and she did not know how to get a hold of me these last 8 months.. we talked.. and then.. I cried… quietly.. I tend to deny stress.. pretend that all the Big things…(my friend dying, losing my cows and job, losing my mother, herniating discs in my back, tearing tendons in my knee, frostbite on my toes, MOVING, job hunting.. just so much) going on are really just little things and that I can handle them all.. which I CAN.. but I rarely give into the stress.. I just keep on going.. seeing my beloved friends friend.. made me miss her even more.. little by little I am acknowledging things and working them out.. and in the mean time.. I am trying to remain positive and happy… and mostly.. it’s working.. having a puppy helps..

Hopefully I will be back here regularly again soon..

blacksheep

Old and new… again

When your current struggles are less than your previous struggles…

And you still sometimes have to sit and count your blessings…

Comparing them to the progress you’ve made… 

When certain movies make you crying mad.. 

When your discontent momentarily overwhelms  your joy… 

When you absolutely must blast some music from old play lists…

 to drown out the nagging little voice in your head that keeps trying to rise above a whisper

 “you could do better, do more”. 

When your work ethic and the needs of your pain filled body conflict. 

 When your children say .. “it’s ok mom, we understand” 

and they shouldn’t have to anymore. 

 When people in your life, just by being their true selves, drag you down and back… 

and you wonder if maybe you’d be better off on your own again… 
But… I’m still ok.  Life is hard but I’m still strong. .

 

I’m quiet and contemplative much of the time… little by little working things out in my head and making plans … plans for a bright future… it’s just moving a little sideways and slower than I’d like. 

As I crawl into bed tonight my head filled with a days accumulation of “stuff and things”

This…

This brings me peace.

Old lady dog and new pup…

Blacksheep 

Sunday Morning Cow Church 

 As life keeps on rolling along like it always will.. my daughter’s and I got to take some time this weekend to spend at my dads.      My dad grew up on a dairy farm and milked cows for his family and several neighbors till his early 20’s when he enlisted in the Navy.  My dad loves hearing about my job and I love hearing stories of his life growing up on a dairy farm…. plowing with horses and milking by hand.. his family farm rarely had more than 14 (did I mention .. they milked By Hand!)  but his neighbor milked up to 40 (By Hand).   Stories of how he ONCE tried riding the bull and he always shows me the scar on his leg from the “dismount”. And how he never told his mother how bad it really was..   How on the coldest days of Michigan winters he and his brothers would burrow in the fresh straw with the pigs to warm up… good memories of a life that was often brutally hard but taught him the value of hard work, honesty, integrity and respect.

Here is my father… explaining to my younger daughter why he eats Oatmeal the way he does.. with a separate bowl of milk.. He said they would have a large bowl of oatmeal in the middle of the table and each had their own bowl of milk. .. it saved on dishes and he never liked eating oatmeal “soup”.. a separate bowl of milk let everyone have each bite just the way they liked it.. 

So… my father and my daughter ate oatmeal together Saturday morning each with their own bowl of milk… making a memory that will last each of them a lifetime… moments in life that no amount of money buys… 

….blacksheep

Sunday Morning Cow Church  (Monday edition )

How. Does. He. Manage. THIS?!?

Any halter

Almost every day….

This one horse has lost NINE halters in FOUR years!

In other news,

With more time off and living on the farm I’m working I not only have found time to play with my horses, build nice stalls, put in a container garden (a greenhouse and BIG Garden next year) spin yarn and crochet again regularly.. I have had time to learn to draw!  My mother recently passed away and my younger daughter and I acquired a large out of her art supplies…. I decided I wanted to sketch some flowers…. 

And so… I did.

I am not an artist… have zero talent for any drawing or painting. … but I still like to try. . I spent an entire afternoon this weekend just sketching dandelions… lol

Blacksheep